did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
