Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i wish my penis had a tongue
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
