that's an acceptable place to lick
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
