Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
