why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
