i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
