I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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