He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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