maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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