Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
she woke up with a sticky ear
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
im on a boat
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