thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My life is pants optional.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
