you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
