I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
