I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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