the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize
