and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
