bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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