he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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