:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
