Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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