I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
