I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
