she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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