You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
