Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize