i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
