Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
