One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
