More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
