I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
