I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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