she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
