just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
