I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
