i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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