I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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