i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
