My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
