is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
