were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
