I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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