So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
