my phone cant type all the emotion im having
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
pray to the hookup gods
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
