dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
