fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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