dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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