Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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