There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
