I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
