my vag is so smooth its legendary
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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