Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize