They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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