He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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