Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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