I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
