every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
