at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
