I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
