; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
