Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
