I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
