It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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