Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
