ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
